The Event: A Prime Example Of “Meh”.

The Event is one of the shows on the chopping block for renewal. I don’t usually say this, but this occurrence is a good example of the system working. Fewer shows have deserved cancellation as much.

For those of you who didn’t give it a try, The Event is about a group of aliens that have been trapped on Earth for some sixty years. After these life forms crash down, most are imprisoned in Alaska, gulag style. They have the appearance of being human, and in the effort to get their ship back into working order, they infiltrate the government and advance human technology far beyond it’s projected capacity.

The conflict comes from the aliens that want to be freed from confinement on Earth, either via peaceful or militant means. They have had enough, and they aren’t feeling merciful. Meanwhile, the government goes on a murderous rampage to contain knowledge of the aliens, because THE TRUTH is too much to handle.

What resulted from this premise was one of the worst shows that could be seen in recent memory. Sure, it was fine enough looking and stuff, but any semblance of a plot or ability to care about what was happened vanished soon after the first couple of episodes. You see, The Event used the tired old “Everyone is chasing us! They all are with them!” cliche to create scenarios where the characters would away from the government cops, meet a stranger, be betrayed by the stranger, get shot at, and run from the cops. Constantly.

Meanwhile, the aliens go all terroristic in a very 24 kind of a way, with grunting and SWAT entries and explosives and people just not having enough time. It aped 24 shamelessly half of the time, essentially. In fact, every aspect of the show simply aped other popular shows that made it big, and tried to simply insert them whenever the situation seemed like it might need it.

It got to the point where I would try to watch one via streaming and I couldn’t get all the way through it. It was cheesy, cliche, and awful Just plain old bad.

The Event represents a type of television show that rightly gets cancelled. At it’s core, it is a combination of LOST and 24 that doesn’t perform as well as either of them did. (Yes, that includes the later seasons of 24.) The Event is a show that desperately tried to hop on a couple of bandwagons, and pretty much got what it deserved. When it all came down to it, it was so chock full of cliche and predictability that it never really connected with the majority of it’s audience and sank down to pure and uninspired mediocrity.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Let’s face it. everyone likes Cap’n Jack Sparrow. Everything about the character has proved to be endearing and awesome for the last five or so years. However, we also have to face the fact that the last couple of Pirates movies were not that great. Sure, they were box office successes, but the overall sense of adventure and fun kind of slacked off as their “epic stuff” CGI budget grew.

The second Pirates movie was nothing more than the set up for the third one, and the third movie was just a little too over the top obnoxious for many people. If anything, it was the need to try to expand on a good thing too much that made things less fun. Well, that coupled with the ever more annoying presence of Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightley.

That being said, it looks like the upcoming release of Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is going to be good. The trailer looks like they are going for the fun and the adventure and the discovery of the first one, rather than relying on pirates vs British-ey Dutch people in a war for, um…. the right to pillage stuff first.

Johnny Depp is back as Cap’n Jack, and he’s going after the Fountain of Youth. The movie looks like it is smartly playing off of period mythology and legend, and building it into a rousing adventure. The scenery and atmosphere looks like its gonna be very engaging to look at, and like it will draw people in. Penelope Cruz is on board to be the spunky love interest, and Blackbeard is gonna be her evil father. Bwahahahahahahaha.

Sorry. I really like Blackbeard stuff.

Also, there is a new director helming the project. Fresh perspective should prove to be interesting. It basically looks like a movie that is going back to its roots, and making things a great ride for audiences once again.

All in all, Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is looking like it will be great. And Orlando Bloom and Kiera Kightly aren’t in it, which immediately will make this movie 700% less shrill and brooding than the last two.

That’s an automatic win in my book. I mean, seriously. Knightley was approaching a noise level that was approaching “dog whistle” in the last movie, and Bloom did not stop whining the entire time.

Fast Five Ramblings

For those of you who aren’t aware of it, Fast Five is coming out at the end of April. The movie is going to take the notable stars from the other Fast And The Furious movies, and will have them come all together for “one last job”. Gee, I’m no expert, but I’m willing to bet anything that something bad will happen during their “one last job”.

This hunch may simply be my excellent predictive skills at work, or it may simply be that I’ve seen a movie before. Actually… every other Fast And The Furious movie involved “one last job”! Whoa……..

Let’s be clear. This movie will be cheesy. It will be completely over the top, the acting will be terrible, and plot will be laughable.  However, that won’t stop me from seeing it. Why? Because it’s another Fast And The Furious movie.

These are not cinematic works of art. Far from it. But they are fun. Every movie before this (with the exception of the truly abysmal third movie) has managed to be a fun romp that involves lots of impressive engine noises and steely eyes and shouted profanity and explosions. These are movies that revel in their stupidity.

There’s something to be said of movies that embrace their identity. The makers of these films know that they are completely ridiculous, which is why they largely stopped trying to be realistic after the first one. Instead, they focus on creating crazy situations, stylized vehicle chases, and blowing stuff up. And you know what?

That’s fine by me. I’m looking forward to turning off my brain for 2 hours and going along for the ride with Fast Five. And as an added bonus for all of us who have been watching for the last decade, the ensemble cast is going to be something that is truly fun. Seeing all of the characters interact will be both amusing and ridiculous, since most of them didn’t even exist in the same space over the course of the movies. Should be interesting.

Vroom vroom manly grunt vroom.

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